the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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