All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
