I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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