I wish I could punch you in the face.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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