My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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