and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
