yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
