I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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