We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My dick has a subreddit
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
