when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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