i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Two words: blizzard sex
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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