very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i think my cat just said my name.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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