Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
