He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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