I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
