Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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