I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
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Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
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Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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