My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
