I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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