Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
