is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
