mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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