I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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