u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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