I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
