I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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