we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
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his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
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Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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