just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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