Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
