After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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