do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
