I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
