toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
People in love make me want to vomit
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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