he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She told me I should be a condom model.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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