Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
