Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
