separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
