Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
