Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
