i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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