listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
