You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
NoShamevember. You game?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
