I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
