Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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