sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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