life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
