pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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