Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
