i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
