Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
