Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you would pick up someone in the library
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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