Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize