Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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