home. puking in laundry basket.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
