and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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