just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
