he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
