Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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