$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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