My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
