either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
