i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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