I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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