I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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