i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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