Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
