mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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