i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
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I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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