we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
