im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
