they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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