how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
