The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
