I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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